Bonae Voluntatis (Good Will)

We have all at one time or another had to engage neighbors or relatives not sharing our moral, theological, and/or political convictions, which can often prove difficult and draining. Case in point; the over the years on-and-off-again interactions with one of my sibling’s in-laws. It is remarkable that it isn’t until a decade or two after having met another family in our youth, when our differences aren’t clearly seen, that we realize only too late how different they are. Why is this? Speaking as a boomer cradle catholic who traversed his early emotional development during the tumultuous 1960’s, and unbridled sexual license of early adulthood in the 1970’s, I can assure you that despite being reared and educated near the end of post WWII Industrial Strength Catholicism, pure living was the furthest thing from my young mind and those of my peers. We were still suffering from our Kennedy Democrat hangovers and were collectively in bed with each other.

Then, after being spiritually reawakened, striving to return to biblical principles, and early parenthood in the ‘80s and ‘90s, the veil began to lift, revealing which side we were on, but it was too late. We were stuck with each other. One side are stubborn, provoking, virtue signaling, insufferable liberal know-it-alls and the other, more conservative, but just as stubborn, if not more. This, and our shared family histories with alcoholism has made for a rather toxic situation, so much so that our youngest sibling evidently felt unable to attend our mother’s burial because a particular individual from the other side would be present. This is wrong on so many levels. And as our hair has greyed, interaction with the other side has, for the most part, expired. This scenario is by no means unique to my family and is a common excuse for divorce.

In the prayers of the Mass, the Gloria intones; “et in terra pax hominibus bonae voluntatis.” / “and on earth peace to men of good will.” What is a man of good will? Here are a few thoughts. I believe the first characteristic of a man of good will is that, although he may often be tempted to, he harbors no bad or ill will towards anyone. Secondly, a man of good will gives the other person the benefit of the doubt by listening to the facts of their argument, trying not to interrupt, and is willing to consider their veracity. Although he may be tempted to, he does not respond with sarcasm or digging, spiteful, uncharitable words and does not harbor hate or calumniate.

I suppose the highest quality of a man of good will may be that he is willing to suffer another’s ill will, which is what our Lord did, continuously, because He spoke the truth with charity. Today, to be charitable and to be “loving” can often mean two very different things, so I don’t use the word love in this context because its contemporary misapplications are as many and varied as the stars. And don’t get me wrong. I don’t think our Lord expects us allow people to continuously wipe their feet on us. So, what does it mean to be willing to suffer another’s ill will? One certainly cannot do it without a lot of patience, but if someone’s critique includes doing a verbal tap-dance on your face, then by all means call them on it, but try to do it without sinking to their level.

After a recent and final painful interaction with the other side, I finally decided that I never want to be within one mile of them, ever again. One of the corollaries to the fifth commandment in a popular examination of conscience, which has pricked my mine, lists as sins under the heading; Desires of Revenge: quarrels; fights; showing aversion or contempt for others; refusing to speak to them, when addressed; and ignoring offers of reconciliation, especially between relatives, which I recently brought to confession. Well, they have never made any such offer to me, but then, I imagine this admonition works both ways. Someday, in the not-too-distant future, there will be another family event: graduation, wedding, baptism, funeral that I will not, without risking alienating my own immediate family, be able to avoid, with one or more from the other side present. I hope that by then I will not feel, like my youngest sibling, unable to attend.